The Making of "The Cool Mom"

Recently I had a conversation with my 14-year-old where she jokingly told me there was no such thing as a “Cool Mom.” I responded that of course, I am not a cool mom because “I am the ultimate cool mom!” The reality is that I don’t have to be a cool mom to be a good mom (or at least a sort of decent mom) to my teenagers.  I know that the moms in the WMSA group are at all different stages of parenting, but whether you’re just getting started in your mom journey or are right in the midst of the teenage years with me, here are a few things I’ve learned along the way and am still learning how to put into practice that hopefully will help you too!

Take the time to listen to your kids.

I am an introvert by nature and if I’ve been talking all day, the last thing that I want to do is have another conversation.  A co-worker in my previous job in Higher Education shared with me that the conversations that her mom had with her when she was younger set the stage for her discussions with her mom as she moved into her teenage years.  This helped me to realize that I needed to take the time at the end of a long day and sit next to my daughter's bed for that extra five to 10 minutes where she wanted to tell me a story about something that happened during her day.   It’s not always smooth sailing now, but I try to make sure that I take the time to listen to what my daughters have to say….the good and the bad.

Eat dinner together. 

This can be a difficult one, especially if you feel pressure to have your children in all the activities, but there are tons of studies and articles out there about why eating dinner together is good.  In our family, I’ve seen that family dinners have taught my daughters how to be better communicators with their peers and with adults.  They’ve also learned how to eat a variety of foods and know how to put a healthy meal together.  Though the truth is that they still prefer chicken tenders or hamburgers and fries to grilled chicken and kale chips, I keep trying anyway.

Set rules and expectations, then stick with them. 

I’ll be honest.  This is the one that I personally have the hardest time with.   Since our daughters were in late elementary school, we’ve allowed them to tell us if they feel that a certain rule or expectation is unfair or unwarranted.  After all, we aren’t perfect and sometimes we need to re-evaluate our rules from time to time. The problem is actually stepping away from a situation long enough to fairly evaluate it and then making sure that my daughters understand that our final word is not negotiable.  My kids and in fact, all kids need firm boundaries.  It doesn’t mean that they won’t test them, but letting them know where those boundaries are will ultimately keep my children and your children grounded and feeling safe. 

Give them chores and responsibilities.

If you want to teach your children to have a good work ethic, then this is probably one of the best ways to do it.  Yes, the chores should be age-appropriate.  Obviously, you don’t want to turn your toddler loose with bathroom cleaning supplies and say go clean the toilet.  However, your toddlers can help with picking up their toys.  Are your kiddos tall enough to reach the knobs on the washing machine?  Then they are old enough to do the laundry.  Did they want that cat, dog or reptile?  They need to help feed it, walk it, and/or clean its tank.  If you want to know if my children happily complete their chores, then just ask me about how Saturdays go each week.  It’s not a joy fest, but they’ll thank me later, right?  Assigning chores is always a work in progress in my household.  How do we do it now? Here is our current chore list, which I plan to switch up each month.

Encourage Your Children

Face it!  The world we live in is often not a nice place, so any time you can genuinely offer a compliment to your kids, do it!  When your children are small, a “Good job” or “I’m proud of you!” can go a long way. As your kids get a little older, your authority on topics diminishes, so you may have to get more creative in the way you offer encouragement.  My 17-year-old doesn’t like to hear, “Your artwork is really good!” because what do I know about art?  However, if I can tell her, “I am a little jealous of the way you’ve been able to draw that flower so realistically.” That compliment can go a lot further.  Another one of the ways that my husband and I encourage our daughters is to tell them that we are praying for them.  They know that Mom and Dad have their back and even more importantly, God is faithfully caring for them!

In case you’ve read this far and are thinking, “Wow, this lady has it all together in the parenting department!” or “Wow this lady thinks she has it all together in the parenting department!”, know that neither statement is true.  I don’t have it all together and my daughters “graciously” let me know every day that I don’t.   By the way if you have any parenting golden nuggets that have earned you a “Mom of the year award,” I am definitely open to hearing them!

About the Author:

Kari Saunders is a San Antonio area mom who is also an Owner and Broker at The Insurance Solutions Experts, where she specializes in Group Benefits and Medicare. She educates her clients about the insurance available to them as individuals, employers or as Medicare beneficiaries, and then helps her clients choose a plan or benefits package that fits their needs! You can reach out to Kari at theinsuranceexpert.com.

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