Erika Radis: [00:00:00] Welcome to this week's episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. We are here with Dr. Kim, who is a psychiatrist, and we're going to turn it over to her so she can talk about her work.
Dr. Kim: Hi, thank you so much for having me. So my name is Dr. Eugene Kim. I'm a child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist.
I have my private practice here in San Antonio in Helotis called Restore Psychiatry MD PLLC. That's great.
Erika Radis: Thanks so much for being here. Can you talk a little bit about your work and maybe what kinds of things you
see patients for?
Dr. Kim: Yeah. So the big kind of confusion to clarify is there's a psychiatrist.
Who is, medical M. D. or D. O. trained, and then there's a psychologist who's a Ph. D. trained, and then there's a counselor and therapist, and as a psychiatrist, I'm able to manage more medications and prescribe medications for [00:01:00] depression, anxiety, or PTSD, or something like that. Now some psychiatrists go fancy with ketamine trials and TMS and transmagnetic stimulation, all that machines.
But for me, I'm more bread and butter medication management. But I think for me, what I realized since my training is that just medications doesn't work as well as getting to know my patients. And doing a little bit more therapy and, and then prescribing medications. So I think as a psychiatrist, I tend to do that more 50, 50 with my patients.
Okay. So that's a big thing. And my clinical interest is more anxiety, depression, and PTSD, just because I would say I understand it more because I went through my seasons with, moods and anxiety and, PTSD symptoms. So. Trying to find healing in my own life. I think I can share that with my patients and really know what's going on in my [00:02:00] head.
So a lot of times patients tell me like, man, so I have a podcast and I explain how anxiety sounds like in your head. And patients tell me like, Man, it's like you're living in my head and I'm like, I know, because I'm a human being who has anxiety just like you, so right. That's just my passion to share how to tackle these mental health issues,
Marie Lifschultz: a doctor came, how long have you been in your
Dr. Kim: practice?
So this is my third year of my practice. Yeah. And I finished my training with child psychiatry in 2019. So I guess some psychiatrists consider me like, toddler psychiatrist, just a few years out of the practice. But yeah, 2019, I did some kind of tele psych jobs here and there, but it really didn't click because it just seemed like they were catering to the payees, which were the clinics and Making me sacrifice a quality of care that I wanted to provide, like rush, rush, rush, or talk to the teenager and give them meds where I [00:03:00] just wanted to bring back the quality of just doing life, together, just meeting my patients where they're at and really spending time with them.
So that led me to opening up my private practice three years ago.
Marie Lifschultz: I think that's amazing because I think a lot of physicians and in just in general will lead with just Medicaid them and let's move on. And sometimes that's, it's not all that you need. You need a little bit more.
Dr. Kim: So, yeah, absolutely.
And I can, I can empathize with that pressure of dealing with the insurance and whatnot. I'm really blessed because my husband's taking care of the financial burden of paying the bills. So technically I could have just gotten any job or whatever, but private practice. It's more of my passion project, and that's why I can do it very freely without any financial burdens, on my shoulder.
So I, I know that I'm unique in a sense that I'm very blessed to have that. Well,
Marie Lifschultz: we've actually seen in a lot of different practices in the medical field where people are trying to go [00:04:00] more private. To have the ability to provide that quality of care, we've seen another, not just obviously psychology or psychiatry, that, that aspect or counseling, but we see a lot of people like nurse practitioners clinical nurses, that they're opening their own small practice in order to provide full care and the ability to be with a patient and get to, know them better and provide better care.
So I've seen that probably in the last two years, we see a lot of those opening.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely. Yeah. And, and I don't know, it's just, that's a big debate, right? Like where's the money going to and why are we not getting quality care? And, and I don't know if this podcast, this platform is a best fit for that, but.
I know that as a patient, I deal with a lot of, Oh, doctor will call you, whenever she or he can, and I don't hear them for weeks, so that really me being a patient perspective that really made me think, okay, I can't be everyone, like I'm a mom of [00:05:00] two little, little kids.
So it's like, I want to be a good husband or sorry, good wife and a mom and also a good psychiatrist. So. Just balancing those really made my business model really specific. So I don't take insurance because I don't want to deal with that extra administrative burden that I can't. And my hours are very short.
It's a very small practice, but it limited it and, but I can. Give the quality care. So I don't have a receptionist, the patients, what they call, they're like, Hey, do you take a new patient? And I'm like, Oh, I'm Dr. Kim. And they're like, what?
Marie Lifschultz: Oh my
Erika Radis: gosh, I bet they are so surprised. If that was me, I would be like, really?
Dr. Kim: So they're like, Oh, and I was like, yeah, I'm the billing department receptionist and a doctor, so I, I am very hands on with that communication too because every, every touch with the clinician matters, so, I do want to keep that quality pretty high. Yeah, yeah,
Erika Radis: [00:06:00] I mean I love what you're doing.
I like before when you talked about, specifically the anxiety part of things I have suffered with anxiety in my life, and I've been medicated, at different times, and I've gone to therapists and different things, and while I think they knew. Kind of like what they were supposed to say to me, they definitely hadn't had the same experience as I had.
And that was very apparent. And so I like that you specialize or focus sometimes on these things that you've maybe gone through because it sounds like you talk about it in your podcast, but what anxiety looks like and what it feels like to that person is very different. And so it's, it is very hard to explain.
Like, I mean, I, I've had conversations with friends and stuff where it's like, I feel like I'm dying and they're like, but why nothing's wrong. And I'm like, no, I know. Like I know nothing's wrong. Like logically I know. And so I like that you're doing that and taking even that extra step to have that like specialized time and quality of care with your patients.
Cause I just think it is like Marie mentioned it was [00:07:00] lacking and we're seeing more of it now. And I think that's so important.
Marie Lifschultz: Well, I think as, as a, as a mom, I want some, if I have a child or myself, or even a spouse suffering from that, I want someone to take the time with them to understand, especially, I, I don't think I've ever suffered from anxiety.
I get, I get stressed out, but I don't, I don't think I've suffered from that. So being a person who's not done, I would have a hard time. I do have a hard time understanding what that looks like. So knowing that there's a. a doctor who might have, gone through the same thing that can relate to my child is wonderful.
That can really understand and then help me as a parent understand that. Oh,
Dr. Kim: absolutely. Yeah. And I think a lot of my work is, especially when I'm seeing children is educating. Let's just backtrack, right? Like what is anxiety? What is mental health? Like that's a big stigma. And I think social media was very helpful in a sense that it brought up the awareness, but there's just a lot of.
Misinformation and a lot of just like hyped up [00:08:00] information, all over. So when my patients has an adult or a parent of a child, they're like, oh, I know that they have autism. I know that they have ADHD. I know that they have anxiety. It's like, okay. Like. Let's just take it all in and break it down, like help you explain and you're absolutely right in a sense that I feel like my job as a psychiatrist is so that a parent or a child or a child or adult never has to Google ever again, so they look at social media, look at Google as an information to start, but if I'm not addressing all the leftover questions, then I feel like What are we doing here?
Like, what are you paying money for? So, so that's one thing, bringing clarity to this, like, really confusing world of not understanding mental health. And that's, that's another reason why I made the podcast because To me, at this year of my training, after my [00:09:00] training, I see like anxiety and depression and PTSD, they all happen at the same time a little bit, right?
So for me, I can see it like a flavor, like it's like an ice cream where, oh, this symptom is coming from PTSD from your trauma, but it's mixed with the anxiety here with this event, car accident, So I can see it as a flavor and I explain it like that to my patients so that when they're like that, we're start to speak the same language.
So they're like, Oh, I, I couldn't sleep last night, but my thoughts were like this. So it seemed more like anxiety, not PTSD, so it's really educating and teaching another language to my patients so that. We can find out the best treatment plan, moving forward because that's, that's what patient physician relationship is all about.
If we were just talking for 10 minutes and throwing meds, like what are we going to do about that? Right. Right.
Erika Radis: So do you find then that because of the internet and that kind of things, people or parents rather are coming in, like, like you [00:10:00] said, they just think they know what it is.
And so they come in there saying like, Hey, this is what's going on. Like, this rather than getting it evaluated.
Dr. Kim: I would say those kind of Rigid kind of conclusion parents are probably 10 to 20 percent and I think they come from, I know my child, I'm the parent and you don't know them. And a lot of times though, these parents got burnt out from other providers, or they got told something and it wasn't true.
So they're doing the research and their research is all they got, so they come with, knives up, like. What are you going to say about my child, so when they see me, hopefully at the end of the appointment, I'm sharing my expertise. I'm acknowledging what they see, but interpreting with.
Training I have so that I just let them know we're not [00:11:00] against each other. We're working together to provide the best diagnosis and care for your child. And hopefully that comes through. And, and like I said, sometimes my style doesn't fit with the parent or, the patient and that's a whole nother issue.
But my whole thing is, is, I can understand why parents would get burnt out, from this journey of taking care of the child. And that leads me to my my big thing about parents is that parents needs to take care of their mental health issues and take care of themselves first and Erica, when you were sharing that you got treatment, I love that because my whole big thing is, is.
Recently I've been coining the term like mental health retirement advisor kind of thing, where You know, we only think about, this is working mom podcast, right? So we're building a business to take care of our family and hopefully leave a financial legacy. Not only taking care of our current needs, but for future needs.
But for me, [00:12:00] I like to add that you're leaving a mental health. And I would say even spiritual health legacy to our next generations. And you know what I mean? Like, and, and whether we like it or not, we're bringing up the baggages from previous generations on our plate as well. Like, how are you parented?
What happened to you? How are you treated when you failed? You look all that kind of nuances. In our, I would say in our genes, right? And we're dealing with life, business, taking care of kids. And whether we like it or not, we're singing some kind of tune in our raising our kids. And I would say, I mean, I'm not supposed to treat the parent and child altogether.
That'd be weird, but I can also see what parents are bringing to the plate. Yeah. And how it's affected the child. So, but a lot of times we're brainwashed or maybe programmed to think, if I have a hundred dollars, I'm going to spend it on my kid's [00:13:00] mental health. Right. Yeah. I would question that. I would say, if you have a hundred dollars, spend it on your mental health.
Yeah. Because that has lasting effects for your kid and you will be better and better equipped, better healed to take care of your children. That's great advice.
Marie Lifschultz: Yeah, that's such a good point really. I I had a conversation with a good friend of mine early this morning on my drive into the office and I knew we were having this, the recording today and I was talking about you a little bit and she has three children and her eldest is, is about to turn 16 and is struggling.
She's on the spectrum. She's seen several, several doctors, several different things, different medications. Doesn't seem to work. And she had some concerns that she's about to be 16, and she's, and she's telling me, she's like, Maria, I don't, I don't see her being able to live on her own eventually. I don't, I don't, I don't think that's ever going to happen for her.
And it made me real sad, but I can hear the stress in her voice, the, the [00:14:00] strain. She and her husband are going through and the strain that's also putting on the two younger children within the family who also suffer from some stuff going on. And she's from the very beginning has been very open about getting our help.
But what do you do when you have a child who is suffering from different from anxiety, depression, different things. And you know that they're going to be coming of age and you don't have a, and you have those concerns. Is that something you would bring to the doctor? Is that something you need to.
Like, are there resources for someone like that? Or, I don't know, she's like, I don't even know how to bring it up, thinking, I know she's going to be adult, I just don't see her being able to safely be on her own eventually. Yeah,
Dr. Kim: and I think what part of, part of the patient physician relationship is to go next to my patients and do life with them.
Right. And I think part of doing life and kind of being a coach slash parent figure in their life is setting [00:15:00] realistic expectations. Right? Like, so if a child or if an adult has moderate to significant, spectrum disorder or some kind of like that, not saying all right, like, so there's difference between depression, anxiety, and then now, intellectual disability or autism, that's for another neuro cognitive issues, right?
But depending on what you have, realistic expectations is Okay, with your set, not like prognosis of like, they'll never be independent, but letting the mom know it's going to be hard for them to be independent. You know what I mean? So of course, and maybe in a way, protecting that from suicidal pressure of when you're 18, you should be independent.
You know what I mean? That's a blanket expectation with the society says for us, but as a psychiatrist, it's like, well, this is, this is [00:16:00] who they are. Right. Right. And what is. What is their optimizations of their potential and reaching their potential and celebrating it, versus, oh, they're not paying their own bills, they can't do this and they're a failure, so protecting the parent to feel that.
from that pressure, so that's number one thing. But on the other hand, there's a lot of people with mental health issues who are like prognosed bad prognosis themselves. Like I'll never pay be off. I should be on disability or I should get, do this. I'm going to settle for less, but as a psychiatrist, I'm supposed to push them and make them have realistic expectations.
Well, I understand how you feel this way, but I actually think you can achieve a little bit more than you're giving yourself credit for, so that kind of relationship is, is so vital for my patients to hear a doctor say that to them, it's like you're right on track. And just. To piggyback people with trauma, and [00:17:00] they're they're holding it together But they're like breaking at the seams and they're like feeling so guilty that they're struggling this much I always tell them your struggle is not 100 percent your fault is part of the trauma and we need to work with that But just know that it's not all you and a lot of my PTSD patients find relief Like, Oh, I'm so struggling and it's not just me or it's not all my fault.
So putting the credit, giving the credit where it's due, giving the burden where it's due. I think that's part of the healing process that I want to give all my patients.
Erika Radis: Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. I mean, we just, I just released today a little blog post about like, sort of acknowledging how small steps are still steps, you know what I mean?
And so today's one was about in business, but obviously it's true in life, in your mental health. So it sounds like even just having these people acknowledge. [00:18:00] That this little thing that you did, even though it's not way over here, this is still big, it's a big, it's a big deal. And so people need to know that stuff.
So I think that's a good approach as well.
Marie Lifschultz: Well, I think it was when she mentioned like talking, taking care of yourself, if we're going to, you have had that a hundred dollars, spend it on yourself so you can take care of your child, I think is valid in the situation that I had brought up as big as I could hear.
The stress in her voice and I'm not part of the whole picture that you know, I don't know what's going but I could hear some of it and I thought, well, maybe if you were better, you would. You have more tools, something to help, your child do better, but I could just hear, the, the, the worry and the scare, she's, and she was bringing up stuff like we got time.
I mean, she, she's not an adult yet, that kind of thing. But I, I really, I liked the fact that, when I know you don't. Counts are, treat them as a family, but I don't know if that would be a bad choice sometimes like because you never know what, what is feeding into the anxiety or feeding into, the behavior that [00:19:00] we're seeing
Dr. Kim: that we don't like.
Absolutely. And there's a very trained family therapist who can take a snapshot of the family and who's Who's contributing what to the pot, and, and family therapists are really great assets for that. They're very talented and doing that. And, a lot of times self care when we say self care, it sounds like, Oh, now I have to get, go get pedicure, but I don't have money or time to get pedicure or, like we pigeonhole self care, but a lot of times, so when patients come to me and they're like, what do I need to do?
And, And they're taking like 10 meds and like 20 supplements and joining all these classes, joining all these group stuff, they're like doing so many things, it would be a disservice for me to be like, well, now you need to add pedicure on top of everything that you're doing, and because our society, again, is has its expectation of be more and do more, so, A lot of times especially for that mom who's just [00:20:00] burnt out from everything is not do more, but do less.
So I give that advice of doing less. So it's like, what is true to your values and your style as a mom? Are you trying to do something that you're not right? Or are you trying to keep up with the Joneses when it doesn't really matter to you? Right. So, so doing less. That is not aligned with your purpose and your values and your style, but also, like I mentioned before, protecting them from societal pressure of do this or you're a failure or that, identifying those unfair, judgment calls on our worth and value, as a mom.
So I do mentioned that as like, well, that's unfair to you. So let's not. Think about that or give yourself grace in that area because giving another list of to do is going to just make people more crazy, yes,
Marie Lifschultz: [00:21:00] definitely.
Erika Radis: Yeah, for sure. I'm curious. Do you ever have patients come to you that are like, like you said, sometimes people are taking like 10, 12 medications.
Like, do you ever have people that come to you overly medicated? Like they're doing too much of that kind of thing. And then you have to walk it back
Dr. Kim: a little bit. Yeah, absolutely. So when patients come to me, some never tried meds before tried to do this whole thing by themselves and they're at their wits end.
So they come and I'm, I'm the first provider who's giving them psych medication. So there's a lot of cases of that. There's Some cases that comes with, like I said, like five or six medications, not all psych medications, but and a lot of supplements. And when I see those med lists, I'm like, what is going on in here?
And that's like the question. And I have just like a classic patient case where. The patient was on hormone therapy, like psych medications, like two or three psych medications weight loss pill, and all of that [00:22:00] stuff. And I just told the patient, I'm looking at your med list and it makes me think that there's something wrong with you.
Yeah. That you're trying to fix with this and that and that. And then the patient was like, Yeah, and I'm like, what if I just told you there's nothing inherently wrong with you? Yeah, and So we did a lot of therapy would build a relationship over time and I was able to cut out those Like five six different medications, like some medical like hormone therapy weight loss pill to two Yeah, because he understood that a doctor trusted him and doctor saw him as who he is not what he wasn't, and, and he feels better.
He's doing more exercises on his own, that. Boost the confidence knowing that somebody with training sees you as who you are and just that's enough, sometimes so I've done [00:23:00] a few patients with a lot of different medications and brought it down or even went back to what they were prescribed, but have exponential benefit because that encouragement and that partnership, that I offer to my patients.
Erika Radis: Yeah, some of that makes me feel like it's probably a result of our society a little bit, right? Like, hey, I don't like this. Oh, there's a pill for that. Like, I don't like this. Oh, there's a surgery for that. Like,
Marie Lifschultz: you
Dr. Kim: know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Mm hmm.
Marie Lifschultz: I think it's because a lot of the, like what she was saying, the Googling of what's wrong with me and trying to, fix it, but also I think even before all the medications are available, people would self medicate.
You'd have other things that they did, if you're, addicted personality, you can be addicted to drugs, alcohol, water, whatever it is, shopping, that kind of stuff that you would self medicate somehow to make you feel, make yourself feel better.
Dr. Kim: And [00:24:00] I think, one of my passion is parenting is like, what is the best parenting?
Like, how do you, how do you parent a child and make sure that they don't have a need that they need to fill themselves? Bye. Bye. And how do they, how do you make your kids completely satisfied with who they are today? And, and a lot of times, you mentioned addiction, a lot of times addiction is starting because not because nobody wakes up one day and say, I want to be addicted to benzodiazepine, like.
Nobody kind of wakes up looking for addiction, but it happens because there's a need and I forgot her name, but there's a Celebrity from big bang theory, but but she was saying something that was so powerful that sure some people will swear off, you know swear that weed is not addictive or alcohol is not addictive and they're not, addicted to it.
But being numb from pain is addictive. Yeah. And she said, I was like, absolutely, like being numb [00:25:00] from that feeling that you're not enough is addictive, and, and that's how it does that. So I think, blanket statement is like, we all have mental health need because We were told one way or the other that we're not enough, or we're not meeting the expectations or standard.
And, and really parent is a pivotal point to say, Hey, screw the society's expectations, you're designed perfectly, and and I guess I want to bring that home to in a home unit because society's going faster and crazier, I think, and I'm, I'm in my thirties, but I. Think the social media, that algorithm, AI, all that stuff is getting more crazy.
And really the parents are the sole protector for our kids to make sure that they know that they're enough, so that hopefully when they grow up, they can carry that message to their peers and [00:26:00] their children, so that we're we're protected, from that. Well, I think in
Marie Lifschultz: today's society, it's just a different type of parenting.
Like it's hard, we don't have any skills taught on how to balance, right. We have to the social media is out there and we have to balance that. And having our young, like when is, when is the right age for them to have a cell phone and to be on social media and, and, and lose a little bit of that control and what comes into their head and so forth, but things are moving so quickly that it's hard to keep up.
Like and you don't know what's right and what's wrong and you just trial by error and sometimes we make mistakes, we make mistakes doing it. It's, it's, it's scary as a parent. I think if I had to have anxiety, that's probably what it'd be about. Like just not knowing the right thing to do and, and at the end of the day, trusting my instincts and hoping I'm doing the right, for, for the boys.
But I think you're right. Things moving really quickly and it's crazy out there. And I think everybody's we all see it right now, but but [00:27:00] having that ability to stand back, I have never thought about saying that. Hey. Whatever society says, you are perfect the way you are, and really may hope helping them feel that it was a great benefit as a parent that you can do for your children, the best you can,
Dr. Kim: yeah.
Yeah, and, and you're right, because the world is changing, the culture is even changing so much that, a lot of times I do parent coaching too, and a lot of times parents are like, well, they're failing this, they're angry, they're beating up, their kids at school and stuff, they come with external problems.
And. My parent coaching is a little bit different because it's like, if you wanted me to pigeonhole your child into this well behaved child, you can train them by beating them like, like an animal. Like if you want a behavior, then you can, I can get you behavior. But my goal for you is when they're [00:28:00] 18 and when they're 20 and they move out, I want you as a parent for them to come back for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I want them to come back home. I want you to maintain that connection with your children when they, when is now voluntary. Right now it's involuntary connection because they have to but when they have a choice Will you will they still choose you to get connected? And how do you do that right now so that you'll see your grandchildren, so I give that perspective to my parents and you're right Everything is so like hyper focus hyper optimization keeping up so fast and I even encourage patients Don't don't even keep up anymore You know, like, yeah, focus on your child, connect with them, encourage them, help them find their strength and weaknesses and be there for them, and that's.
What transcends all cultural changes, I think,
Erika Radis: Yeah, absolutely. I think that we saw [00:29:00] some of that, like, I always say, like, there were some benefits to COVID, right? Cause like we were all home and we were all, and work didn't look the same. School didn't have to look the same. Like things didn't have to be the same and we were all still getting by.
And it was like. Okay. Like this can look a little different than I thought now, unfortunately, I feel like we're getting back into that same grind again, spend some time now and people forget, but, during that time, that was, I think a huge benefit, if you can even say that about, COVID times was we were spending more time together.
Life was moving a little bit slower and I was enjoying that,
Dr. Kim: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I think there were. It was just interesting because I think you're the ideal situation for COVID, but there was a lot of mental health issues that maybe needed to be brought up earlier because family were together and they realized they're really not.
doing well, and I think in a way that kind of brought up another awareness of mental health issues and maybe [00:30:00] family structural issues that we were facing. So I think it, it went both ways depending on the family unit. Yeah. I definitely
Marie Lifschultz: think during that time, I realized that my children can do a lot more on their own than I was giving them credit for during COVID.
In my industry, I was, I think I saw my family less and we were all in the same house because I worked so much. I was so, so busy with work and they needed to be independent. So they learn different skills. I'm like, you, you're going to have to get on zoom with school. You're going to have to make your lines.
Like I just, I don't have the time. And I realized, Hey, they're doing, they're doing all right. I don't have to be the person to do it all. I realized I wasn't allowing them to grow up. Like they needed to be and I'm like, wait a minute when I was their age, I did it all. It's okay. So I, I think, yeah, so it's different family dynamics, but definitely made a big difference.
And you're right, Erica, I think now that we're getting further and further away from that, we've forgotten. [00:31:00] Some of that stuff that we had to go through. So it's, I think learning the biggest struggle is just knowing the right thing to do. And I think as parents, like you said, give yourself some grace.
It's no, there's no book out there to really tell you what's right and wrong. And we're still learning because technology, our environments, the world is changing every day. So there's something new to learn
Dr. Kim: every day. Yeah. And I think I, I might be prematurely saying it because my kids are at. Like six and three.
So they're not, they're not testing me with like, Oh, I need to get this app or video games or something like that. But, but I think you're, I think you're right. The older, I always heard that when the kids get older, it gets harder. And I'm like, are you kidding me? I feel like I'm like struggling right now.
Marie Lifschultz: It's a different heart. It's a, when they're, when they're little, they have to, you need to bathe them. You need to, make sure [00:32:00] they eat and do all that. When you get, when they get older, like, are they staying on campus like they're supposed to? You know what? I can't monitor everything they do anymore.
They're not, with me a hundred percent of the time. So it's a different type of heart. I have to say I enjoy teenagers. I absolutely love them. My boys are, they're both. Teenagers now and we have great conversations. We're moody at times. So I have to remind myself I was, they're 14 and about to be 16.
So it's okay for them to be moody and not be in a, great mood. There's hormones going everywhere. Oh, I'd
Erika Radis: like my kids to be in a great mood all the time. I need
Marie Lifschultz: that. You just woke up. What are you upset about? Like, I know
Erika Radis: what could, what possibly could you have to be pissed about right now, like, but then I have to walk myself back from that a little bit.
Marie Lifschultz: It's just different stages are hard. I, so I think they need you even more. They don't want you, but they need you even more as they get older. And I, I like [00:33:00] what you said about I want them to come back. I want to be that person that they can trust. And when they do need help or advice, they can say, you know what?
I can go to mom and dad. If anybody, I can go to mom and dad. They'll be honest. They'll give me advice. They'll whatever. And if you. instill trauma, I guess when they're younger, they're not going to do that. Like you have these, I mean, with the boys, I try to, I'm still your parent. I'm not your friend.
I'm your parent, but we can have conversations. We can talk about things and I'll be as honest as I can with you about things as I asked them, believe me, those questions do come up, but I'm like I'm not ready to answer that. We'll come back. We'll
Dr. Kim: circle back. Yeah. We'll talk about that. Yeah. And teenage, teenage age is very interesting because, when, when I have teenage patients like maybe 13, 14, I always talk to them first.
So a lot of times, they're like, okay, technically, legally, all the consent I need is from the parent. And I can [00:34:00] prescribe a medication, but if the child, the teenager is not on board, I don't prescribe medication because I said, this is your body. This is your mind. This is your body. And if you're not on board, we don't have to do it.
But if you think, Hmm, I think Dr. Kim is right. I think I do need help with that. Then we can go forward. So I, prioritize their consent above their parents in the patient physician relationship, because they're my patient. And, I think teenagers like very interesting because I'm remembering when I was a teenager.
I think I wanted more not autonomy per se, but respect, so it's like parents have a lot of, teenagers have a lot of questions of like, what am I good at? Like, who are my friends? What a true friendship. And when you go to a parent figure, I think, really good conversation would have been like, well, what do you think?
Like, so turn that question back to the teenagers. Like, what are you thinking at? And that, and really give them a [00:35:00] space to think and tell you the answer instead of, well, this is what I think the friendship should be. And this is what I think you should do. Just like, let them wait and be like, The time is still if you had all the time in the world and you can tell me anything, what do you think, and that's a great conversation starter with teenagers because they want to tell you what they think they do.
Sometimes there's no space and time allowed for that, unless it's 11pm
Marie Lifschultz: at night.
Dr. Kim: And you can say, I'd love to have this conversation with you, let's set a date, for ice cream or coffee on weekends, and then they'll, they can think about it a little bit
Marie Lifschultz: more. I think the biggest part of the parent, if you got to learn this is to, to be a good listener. I think the act of listening, I've done what I'm trying to like, if you can build any skill, I tell the boys, learn to listen before you speak.
Like you have to listen to what's going on. A lot of them are very reactive to stuff. And I said, just listen to everything before you speak. [00:36:00] And same as a parent, I have to remember, remind myself as a parent, don't react to their behavior, their moodiness, like listen and really find out. What caused them to be frustrated?
Why are they, why did they wake up angry? Well, maybe they had a bad dream or maybe they had a really bad day before and they didn't share it, they're not being grumpy with me because it's me. It was being, they had a bad evening or
Dr. Kim: whatever the case is. Yeah. And I liked Marie that what you said was, I remember when I was a teenager, I had these things and I think empathy is so important, especially adolescent and up kids, because I think a lot of times parents are like, well, I had to do it my way.
I don't know. She's getting so much more help than I got, and I don't know what her problem is, but then it's kind of like, well, that's me. That's what I'm thinking, but like. In a way though, those parents, I empathize with them because they had to survive. They have to survive their childhood, but I say now let's fast [00:37:00] forward a little bit fast, like earlier, and let's channel that inner child in the parent.
Like, but what did you need? What did you want? And you have the opportunity to meet that need and want, so it's kind of like, there's, there's a barrier in parents with tough childhoods. 'cause we had to be tough, but before that toughness, there was a need and want, and let's channel that so that you can enable your kid to be whole, right. And oh, I like that. That requires a, yeah. That requires a lot of parents doing work on themselves again. Right. Prioritizing what they needed and wanted in their child that they didn't get, so that it doesn't become a knee jerk reaction, whenever the kid is voicing their need and want, you know.
Marie Lifschultz: Well, I think as you get older, like I am a little older than you, Dr. Kim. I'm in my forties , so you, you forget like, I'm like, wait, did I do that? Yeah. Like I, I start to, and it's not that I, I mean to, but I don't remember something and I'm like, Mm-Hmm. . I have memory, very [00:38:00] clear, crisp memories of child, very young.
And there's, there's things I'm like, that happened. I don't remember that. Mm-Hmm. . Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I'm like, as a teenager, I remember I have one who, I have a very stubborn child and I was extremely. And I remember I just wanted my, my mom was very, my mom had me at, she was older. So she was very much from the generation you're, you're seeing and not heard.
Right. And I was very I just wanted to hear, like I did something for a reason. And if you let me explain, I realized it's not the way you told me to do it, but I did it this way. And. All she knew was I didn't do it the way they, that she wanted done and I was in trouble, but I had a reason for it. I never, I can never get out the reason and I should drive me crazy, drive me nuts.
I could not. So I have one that's very much like that. I have to bite my tongue. Okay. Explain yourself. Yeah, I get upset.
Dr. Kim: Yeah. Yeah. And that inner child in you, you were problem solving in a very [00:39:00] creative way, but the creativity was labeled wrong. Yeah. It was not right. And, and, if I'm just giving you free empathy, it's like that child was so creative.
and has so much potential with that creativity. But a lot of times that little moments like you remember, as a child, like The labels that we received does limit us and I think part of the healing process is removing those labels that were thrown at us in our childhood so that we can really embody who we are, and when we embody who we are as a mom as a business owner, etc.
We can really embody the kids that we have because they have their own. individual gifts and talents, and and I think it really does free us, instead of limiting us if we go back to our childhood and work on ourselves. Yeah,
Erika Radis: absolutely. Wow. This conversation has been so [00:40:00] insightful. I just can't get over it.
Marie Lifschultz: Well,
Erika Radis: now is usually the time where we might have you let our listeners know how they could get a hold of you and get sort of personalized insight from you.
Dr. Kim: Well, so I do have my private practice. So the website is www dot restore site. com. You can email me at restore psychiatry, MD at gmail. com, or you can call our office number.
I always have to think out loud is 8 3. So you can reach me in any of those mediums. And I do have my podcast, which I'll give you the link. And it's just like this podcast with Dr. Eugene Kim.
Erika Radis: Perfect. Okay. Well, we'll definitely put all of that information in our show notes. So that way people can get ahold of you and listen to your podcast.
And I just want to thank you so much for being on. I loved this conversation. And I know that our, yeah, our readers are gonna, or I mean, our listeners are going to like it as well. So thank you so much. I really appreciate you being here.
Dr. Kim: I'm, [00:41:00] I'm so grateful that you guys invited me. Thank you so much.
Thank
Marie Lifschultz: you so much to our
Erika Radis: listeners for tuning into this week's episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. And we will just catch you guys
Marie Lifschultz: next week. See you guys next week.
